Rex Ryan: Sure-fire Stupidity Coming at You This Offseason

By Jonathan Hans
December 21, 2012 12:39 am
Print
347 Views 2 Comments

Rexism #1: After the firing of GM Mike Tannenbaum and Offensive Coordinator Tony Sparano, Ryan offers his input on the team's prospective hires:

"It was a tough year and I lost a lot of good friends. me and Mike Tannebaum shared many meals together; we loved the brisket over at Demanacos. But, times are changing and we need to get tough, so I am announcing that I will handle all responsibilities. Yes, I am the new GM, offensive coordinator and caterer. All food orders go through me. And I am requiring all personnel to smash at least 3 biscuits before kick-off. Thank you; go JETS!

 


Rexism #2: Rex's thoughts on the Jets' 1st Round Selection (a punter from the University of Maine): 

"Everyone knows we're a defensive team and punting is a huge aspect of that. I think it's a great pick and I tell ya what, when you come into the Meadowlands, you better be prepared to field some punts. Long and high punts. Boo Ya!

 


Rexism #3: Rex's offers his insights on Mark Sanchez, the recently departed Jet Quarterback

"Ehhh, you know, Mark was a great kid. And a good looking kid. The girls he got, woooooweeeeee. But things didn't work out here, you know. But hey listen, we made a great deal with the Las Vegas Locomotives and I think everyone got something in this trade. Las Vegas got an NFL quarterback and we got a bag of new footballs and a vending machine with all kinds of pastries. 

 

Rexism #4: Rex on the Jets 2013 Schedule:

"That came out already? Geez, you guys are quick. I tell you what I think about it. We're going 16-0 and we're gonna crush the Pats."

 

 

Rexism #5: Rex following a 6-3 preseason win over the Jacksonville Jaguars

"What you saw out on that field today was Jet football. That performance was what we are all about. Explosive plays and great defense. You guys see Shonn Greene? 17 yards on 14 carries. That's explosion right there; thought I needed a few gasex tablets after his 3 yard burst in the third. The league has been warned--the Jets are coming. Now, let's go get a Snack. On me!"

Learn how to get your FREE subscription to FFChamps via our partners DraftKings! FFChamps is the ONLY service with 1-on-1 Expert Fantasy Advice! SUBSCRIBE today!

submit to reddit


By Jonathan Hans
Contributor
Become a fan

Leave a Comment

Previous Comments (2)

Please to post a comment.

21 months ago
You JETS have the winner sitting on the sideline! TIM TEBOW let him rum the offense and PASS the BALL DOWN THE FIELD!! Those of you who don't think Tim can pass, go review Florida Gators & Tim's freshman, sophomore, jr and senior years! Thousands of yards passing, thousands of yards rushing. Tim's like Larry Csonka with a left-handed passing arm. TIM tell those who want to change your 'passing motion' to go pound sand. Byron Leftwich still WINDS-UP when he throws (Back up the Big Ben at Pittsburgh) NOBODY told Byron to 'change his passing motion'.
Where ever Tim Tebow ends up, he's a WINNER. Bill Bilichek and the Patriots KNOW what to do with Tebow and it doesn't include SITTING ON THE BENCH. Make him a slot receiver, a U-back, an H-back get him out against a linebacker and watch Tim break tackles. Currently the Pats have a converted QB now a wide-receiver out with a foot injury. I forgot this kids name but he's a player. Come on somebody get Tebow on the field; He won 7 or 8 games with Denver year before this
21 months ago
That was beautiful Jonathan. I spewed coffee all over the keyboard!

Connect With Us

Sign up for our newsletter to recieve all the latest news and updates...
Privacy guaranteed. We'll never share your info.