Obama Verse Romney On Tuesday Night Football

By Mike Luca
November 06, 2012 10:35 pm
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As much credit as he apparently deserves for the New England Patriots' three Lombardi Trophies, Mitt Romney and the Republican Party are even bigger Carolina Panthers fanatics as of this Election Tuesday.

I don't pretend to know more about politics then I do about football (hopefully most of my readers are British or Canadian), so instead I tend to rely on avant-garde cold hard facts, such as the Redskin Rule.

For every presidential election since 1940 and the last Washington home game leading up to each, a win for the Hogs means a secured electoral vote for the White House's incumbent party; a loss indicates a switch from Donkeys to Elephants, or vice versa.

The lone exception was in 2004 when George W. Bush remained in Office after a defeat to the Green Bay Packers, but the theory was later altered to favor the winner of the previous poll's popular vote...it's easier to say Al Gore controversially melted due to global warming.

This past Sunday, Carolina recovered the onside kick in Washington's late comeback attempt, holding on to a 21-13 victory. By this logic, RG3 can no longer replace Joe Biden, and the Charlotte Observer will have to draw more flattering political cartoons for Cam "Hello Kitty" Newton.

Foreboding coincidence or legitimate foreshadowing? I'm voting for the latter, although I cannot take solace in much more than trivial hypotheticals.

Our nation is in for another tough haul either way, just as we were four years ago. From heated social media discussions to the actual debates, which in themselves exuded the energy of Lambeau Field in January, we all know where we individually stand by now, and not too many people seem happy regardless.

My guttural reasoning is that we might as well endeavor to establish consistency. President Barack Obama fed himself to a zoo of astronomical debt, employment rates, and societal hardship. Even though he spent a fraction too much time cementing his celebrity status, televising the filling out of his March Madness brackets and what not; he quite frankly could have done a lot worse overall. He's assuredly funnier than Romney.

Alex Smith would be the first to tell you that - while he is still far from perfect - the benefits of maintaining an offensive coordinator for once in his career have been reaped.

Stability is craved as much in professional sports as it is in "real life". Newly inaugurated head coaches deserve a solid three to five seasons to effectively implement their regimes. However, other franchises are conversely long overdue for change.

Then there are states that factor in the emotional triumph in matters of indecision. Potential swing votes such as Ohio, Florida, and Virginia witnessed their collegiate football programs notch Ws on Saturday, thereby giving the edge to the incumbent party and contradicting the fool-proof Redskin Rule!

I suppose it wouldn't hurt to flip to CNN during ESPN's imperative commercials, but politics and sports have more to do with one another than someone may believe. Gerald Ford and Dwight Eisenhower played center and halfback, respectively. Bush Jr. owns the Texas Rangers. George Washington chopped trees and was deemed the World's Strongest Man With Wooden Teeth.

Obama is an avid basketball and golf enthusiast, while Romney ran high school cross country and track.

Consequently, which athlete would the NFL appoint as their Commander-in-chief if each team's record throughout Obama's term (since November 4th, 2008) was indeed their ballot?


NFC East

New York Giants = 38-27 and a Super Bowl (Barack Hussein Osama Obama...um...)

Philadelphia Eagles = 36-27-1 (Obama)

Dallas Cowboys = 32-31 (Obama...barely)

Washington Redskins = 20-44 (Willard Mitt Romney, and phew!)

 

AFC East

New England Patriots = 48-16 (Obama)

New York Jets = 35-29 (Obama)

Miami Dolphins = 31-33 (Romney)

Buffalo Bills = 21-43 (Romney)

 

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons = 46-18 (Obama)

New Orleans Saints = 44-20 and a Super Bowl (Obama, in spite of everything)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers = 24-39 (Romney)

Carolina Panthers = 24-40 (Romney)

 

AFC South

Indianapolis Colts = 39-25 (Obama)

Houston Texans = 37-27 (Obama)

Tennessee Titans = 31-34 (Romney)

Jacksonville Jaguars = 23-41 (Romney)

 

NFC North

Green Bay Packers = 44-21 and a Super Bowl (Obama)

Chicago Bears = 37-27 (hometown Obama)

Minnesota Vikings = 32-33 (Romney)

Detroit Lions = 22-42 (hometown Romney, or they secede from the United States)

 

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens = 45-19 (Obama)

Pittsburgh Steelers = 44-20 and a Super Bowl (Obama)

Cincinnati Bengals = 29-33-1 (Romney)

Cleveland Browns = 17-48 (Romney)

 

NFC West

San Francisco 49ers = 38-26 (Obama)

Arizona Cardinals = 31-34 (Romney)

Seattle Seahawks = 26-39 (Romney)

St. Louis Rams = 13-51 (Romney)

 

AFC West

San Diego Chargers = 39-25 (Obama, and they still won't clean house either)

Denver Broncos = 29-35 (Romney)

Oakland Raiders = 27-37 (Romney)

Kansas City Chiefs = 23-41 (Romney)

 

Romney kicks the game-winning field goal as time expires, clinching the electoral vote 17-15. The Redskin Rule is substantiated, Obama is snubbed from the Pro Bowl, and the Federal Cultural Agencies will be cut by half.

No wonder Mike Shanahan is preparing for 2013...

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By Mike Luca
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2 years ago
Face it all you Romney teams, you all got "FACED" and now your tax friendly shelter puppet is in the losers seat just like the rest of you clowns...

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