It's time for another edition of NFL One-Liners! Starring Matt Pagel, Lester, and a whole slew of football all-pros! In this week's edition, the wit is turned up a few notches and Lester tries to rebound from Matt Cassel costing him his fifth straight correct pick.
I saw Lester burning his Matt Cassel jersey out back on Sunday, he is not pleased. However, don't count on him breaking his old Brady Quinn jersey out any time soon. He buys far too many of these things and dog clothing is not cheap.
Last week saw me go .500 even though there were some editing snafus. I'm sure that's all cleaned up as I take a *46-31 record into week six.
Onto the picks, winners are in bold AND capitals!
PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ Tennessee Titans
It's about that time of year for the Steelers to get on a winning streak and their fans to become insufferable football "geniuses". Mountain jerks.
Oakland Raiders @ ATLANTA FALCONS
Cross-article gimmick: "Yo, MVP, let's kick it! Matty Ice, Ice baby. Matty Ice, Ice baby..." I knew that was lame even as I was typing it.
Dallas Cowboys @ BALTIMORE RAVENS
Can Tony Romo surpass Jim Hardy's record of eight interceptions in a single game?! Ed Reed wants to find out!
Cincinnati Bengals @ CLEVELAND BROWNS
If not this week for the Browns...week 11, 13? *vomits*
ST. LOUIS RAMS @ Miami Dolphins
On this game and the election, to quote Southpark: “It's always between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Nearly every election since the beginning of time has been between some douche and some turd. They're the only people who suck up enough to make it that far in politics.”
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS @ New York Jets
If the Jets lose, I cannot wait to dedicate a thousand songs about breaking up with your girlfriend to Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez. SO PUMPED.
DETROIT LIONS @ Philadelphia Eagles
My high school buddy and current Lions' offensive linemen Rob Sims told me to stop picking against his team. Fine.
Kansas City Chiefs @ TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
I suppose the douche and turd sandwich quote can apply to Kansas City's quarterback situation as well.
Buffalo Bills @ ARIZONA CARDINALS
They won't need overtime in University of Phoenix Community College Online Trade School Stadium.
New England Patriots @ Seattle Seahawks
Lester's Lead Pipe Lock of the Week! Let's see what he thinks.
NEW YORK GIANTS @ San Francisco 49ers
Rematch of an epic NFC Championship game. I can close my eyes and see Victor Cruz sneaking around the linebackers for big catch after big catch in this one.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS @ Washington Redskins
This will be the game where either too much praise is heaped upon Christian Ponder, or he is written off as a complete fluke. Either scenario is unfair.
Green Bay Packers @ HOUSTON TEXANS
I have a feeling I'm going to be writing HOUSTON TEXANS in bold a lot. Which will get confusing if I ever have to process an order from HOUSTON, TEXAS. I'm sure I'll ship something to the non-existent state of TEXANS.
DENVER BRONCOS @ San Diego Chargers
Here's a picture of Norv Turner looking defeated, AKA, his "game face".