NFL One-Liners: Predictions and Sarcasm for Week 13

By Matthew Pagel
November 29, 2012 1:53 pm
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Greetings and salutations friends, your resident wise guy is back with the usual snark and flair you're all used to, no more of that being thankful crap. LAME.

Now that we're back to regular programming, I'm ready to make fun off the usual idiots that populate the NFL.  

I am disappointed that there seem to be very few arrests so far this season.  I don't think Jerramy Stevens counts (either of his arrests) and Braylon Edwards has been suspiciously quiet so I haven't had as many knuckleheads to rag on as usual.  Maybe next week!

Let's get on with the picks.

Season record: 107-68-2

New Orleans Saints @ Atlanta Falcons

Thursday night dome shootout and a Saints win. Book it!

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Buffalo Bills

Coming to Los Angeles soon: one of these teams!

Seattle Seahawks @ Chicago Bears

You know why the Seahawks' secondary is so big? 'Roids. Mystery solved.

Indianapolis Colts @ Detroit Lions

This should be a typical Lions' game this year: Stafford and company stumble around for three quarters before chalking up some meaningless yardage and a few late scores to make the game look somewhat competitive while my frat brother Andy complains about the referees costing the Lions on Facebook for three straight hours.  

Minnesota Vikings @ Green Bay Packers

I've been waiting for several years for another Antonio Freeman shoulder catch. Get on it, Jordy Nelson. 

Carolina Panthers @ Kansas City Chiefs

Cam Newton was the inspiration for Yello's "Oh Yeah".

New England Patriots @ Miami Dolphins

The Dolphins are always good for one titanic upset of the Patriots per year.  Except this year. And that time they went undefeated.


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