I'm not above gimmickry to get my voice heard, and since countdown lists are all the rage these days, I'm jumping into the fray with my signature style.
Today I'll still be serving up some tasty tunes, but instead of just a recap, quip and a pseudo-prediction, why not dedicate songs to the five best and worse players from sunday? Sound good?
Of course it does, let's spin these steel wheels!=
527 passing yards to go along with five touchdowns is nothing to sneeze at, unless you're Norm Van Brocklin. It was non-stop yards for Schaub in the second half but more importantly, Schaub keyed the comeback against a feisty Jacksonville Jaguars team led by the next man up on our list.
Song: All Night Long by Lionel Richie
"Yeah, once you get started
You can't sit down
Come join the fun
It's a merry go round"
Raise your hands if you started Chad Henne for your fantasy team this week. What, only like, 20 people in the entire world? Yeah, that's how far off the radar Chad Henne has been this season until his monster game. At one time, many scouts and coaches thought he had the potential to be a winning quarterback. Perhaps he's found that potential?
Song: It's My Life by Bon Jovi
"It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive"
273 receiving yards and the game-winning catch and run. I distinctly remember pundits and arm-chair fantasy experts dogging Johnson at the beginning of the season--'he's lost a step', 'he's not even the third best receiver in the conference'--so much for that noise.
Song: Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit
"My suggestion is to keep your distance, cuz right now im dangerous"
Entirely possible this monster is the defensive player of the year. 3 sacks and 2 forced fumbles will go a long way to helping secure that piece of hardware for his mantle.
Song: Strange Clouds by B.O.B ft Lil Wayne
"I do my job exceptionally, on point like a decimal is.
The way I ride on the beat man I be in the street it's done so effortlessly"
The all-purpose player from Kent State was all over the field; returning punts for touchdowns, running reverses, and catching passes. Bill Belichick loves these types of players. Don't be surprised when Edelman lines up to kick a field goal sometime soon.
Song: Don't Stop Me Now by Queen
"I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go go go
There's no stopping me"
I said it in last week's One-Liners: Belichick loves humiliating rookie quarterbacks. I'd say Luck was completely humiliated. Just another learning experience for the rookie, in time, this will just be a blip on the radar for him.
Song: O.E. by Hop Hobson
"I got bias
I got struggles, I got by it
I got jobs, I got hired
I lost jobs, and got fired
I been sick from bein' sick and tired
I been me and will be until the day that I expire"
His team got the win but a career-high five interceptions lands you on the 'Five Down' side of this list. Better luck next week, Ice.
Song: Grown So Ugly by The Black Keys
"Baby, this ain't me, baby, this ain't me
Grown so ugly, grown so ugly
Don't even know myself"
Nick Foles gets the first start of his career and his head coach did him no favors by having him throw 46 times to only 20 rushing attempts. One of those rushing attempts also got LeSean McCoy concussed well after the game was out of hand. Andy Reid has no handle on his team. Something everyone in Philadelphia has known for awhile.
Song: Creep by Radiohead
"I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around"
The Kansas City Chiefs
Too much blame too place on the shoulders of one player on this pathetic team. Offense, defense, special teams, coaching, front office...they all deserve a Price Is Right horn.
Song: Closer by Nine Inch Nails
"Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell
Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself"
The Gronk had a great game but he will be sorely missed after breaking his forearm. Four weeks without obnoxious touchdown dances and quotes about "nutcracker dudes" is four weeks too long. I know what he'll be doing during his down time though.
Song: Fight for Your Right by Beastie Boys
"You gotta fight..for your right..to paaaaarrrttaayy!"
Bonus Track to Pump You Up for Monday Night Football
Here's to the brains of Jay Cutler and Alex Smith. Their concussions could make tonight's game an old-school, defensive slugfest. Or their absence could make a potential NFC Championship preview a little dull. I'm sure they are pining to get on the field with the rest of their teammates in a huge, prime time game.
Song: Bangarang by Skrillex ft. Sirah
"Shout to all my lost boys
Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shout to all my lost boys