My, what a 43-13 romp over the Baltimore Ravens can do to satisfy your appetite.
Not to mention your standing in the CHFF Quality Stats Power Rankings.
Feuled by a Week 6 defeat to the Green Bay Packers, the hellaciously hungry Houston Texans are all smiles this week, rubbing their collective guts with that quirky grin you're used to seeing from that crazy uncle after he lets one rip under the table at Thanksgiving dinner.
The Texans effortlessly smeared the team that removed them from the playoffs less than a year ago, and failed to offer so much as a drop of sympathy for the Ravens' recent rash of injuries—the same treatment they received from Baltimore in that 20-13 AFC Divisional loss this past January.
J.J. Watt, who now leads the NFL in sacks (9.5) despite playing as a defensive end in a 3-4 scheme, was enjoying himself so much that in between snaps he informed Ray Rice of his ability to devour the 5'8", 212-pound running back if he felt the desire to do so, telling Rice he has actually "eaten burritos bigger than him".
Wait, there's actually a place you can get a 200-pound burrito? Mr. Watt must be buds with the guys at Epic Meal Time.
Anyway, does this guy have a nickname yet? Looks like "J.J. Swat" seems to be picking up steam. Personally, I think "Gridiron Godzilla" is more fitting for a guy who claims he's capable of eating a burrito with an All-Pro running back wrapped inside.
Wait, that's not why we're here. Off to the rankings.
1. Houston Texans (6-1) - These hungry, hungry hippos are back on top for one reason and one reason only. When they eat, they eat good. Four of the Texans six wins have been by 20 points or more.
2. Green Bay Packers (4-3) - How did the Cheeseheads make it up here so fast? Don't act like no one saw you cutting in line? What's that? Aaron Rodgers has 16 touchdowns in the Packers last four games? Okay, that explains it. In addition, Green Bay is No. 1 in Offensive Passer Rating by a healthy margin.
3a. New York Giants (5-2) - Remember when the Giants dropped the season opener to Dallas and Victor Cruz dropped three easily catchable passes? Yeah, well no one else does. The champs have won three straight and they're No. 1 in Real Passing Yards per Attempt, too.
3b. San Francisco 49ers (5-2) - The Niners All-Pro-laden defense has allowed a total of nine points in the team's last three wins. Now, if Alex Smith and that offense could just get in gear. Frisco has just one offensive TD since dropping 621 yards and 45 points on the Bills in Week 5.
5. Atlanta Falcons (6-0) - Atlanta lost some ground (No. 3 last week) during their bye week. The efficient Falcons (No. 3 in Scoreability and Bendability have a chance to jump back up Sunday when they face Michael Vick and the inefficient Eagles (No. 32 in Scoreability) in Philly.
6. Denver Broncos (3-3) - The record screams mediocrity, but the Quality Stats whisper words of comfort into the ears of impatient Broncos fans. Peyton Manning has Denver sitting at No. 2 in Offensive Passer Rating.
7. Chicago Bears (5-1) - The Bears just can't seem to find their place around here. They moved up to the top spot after Week 6 despite being on a bye. This week, they beat the Lions 13-6 and slid down the same amount of spots as points they allowed Monday night.
8a. Minnesota Vikings (5-2) - Minny just keeps on chuggin' along. The numbers don't exactly stand out (Top 10 in only two Quality Stats), but the wins do. Two late-season matchups with both the Packers and Bears will settle this whole "Are the Vikings for real?" debate.
8b. Seattle Seahawks (4-3) - The Seahawks held their own in San Francisco last Thursday, but just fell short. Russell Wilson's bad day (his receivers didn't help any, either) dropped Seattle from No. 15 to No. 23 in Offensive Passer Rating.
10a. New England Patriots (4-3) - Boy, did the Pats need that one. Maybe Bill Belichick was toying with Rex Ryan, but the Jets taking New England to overtime almost put New York atop the AFC East. Come on, Bill, the AFC is in bad enough shape as it is.
10b. Arizona Cardinals (4-3) - How has it come to this? Once 4-0, the Cards have dropped three straight and their QB's have been dropped 29 times in the last four games. 'Zona's O-line has had the No. 32 spot in out Offensive Hog Index on lockdown for quite some time.
12. Washington Redskins (3-4) - Oh, Mike Shanahan. No. 1 in Real Quarterback Rating. No. 3 in Offensive Passer Rating. RGIII sure is special, but without a competent defense, you're still last in the NFC East.
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-4) - Four losses, all by seven points or less. Poor Tampa. Hey, at least they didn't have to see their opponent's victory formation this week.
14. Baltimore Ravens (5-2) - The return of Terrell Suggs was a welcome sight. What went wrong with the offense, though? A week after Rodgers put up six TD passes on Houston, Baltimore managed just 13 points and averaged an even three yards per play against them.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-3) - Pittsburgh averted going into crisis mode by defeating the Bengals and remaining in the NFC North hunt. Either Cincy flopped in front of their home crowd, or the Steelers' D is finally waking up.
16. St. Louis Rams (3-4) - St. Louis caught the reigning MVP at the worst possible time as he effortlessly picked apart the Rams' secondary. Even so, a 3-4 record is a hell of a start for a squad that didn't get their first 2011 victory until Week 8.
17. Philadelphia Eagles (3-3) - Good news, Eagles fans: Philly didn't turn the ball over once in Week 7. Of course they didn't, they had a bye. We are wondering, though, if that was Vick in RGIII's uniform during the second half of the Skins-Giants game. It'd certainly explain why Washington coughed up the ball four times in a 30 minute span.
18. Miami Dolphins (3-3) - Another team who was idle in Week 7, Miami's next five opponents are teams who missed the playoffs a year ago. The Fish haven't lost in regulation since Week 2, so don't rule out a chance to fight for the AFC East when they face the Pats in Week 13. I said fight, not win.
19. Dallas Cowboys (3-3) - Dallas is surviving at 3-3, but the numbers aren't promising. The Cowboys are No. 30 in Scoreability and No. 26 in Bendability with the Giants and then the Falcons next up on the schedule.
20. New Orleans Saints (2-4) - The defense is still in shambles, but at least Drew Brees is back to being Drew Brees. The Saints went from No. 15 up to No. 5 in Real Passing Yards per Attempt in Week 7.
21. Detroit Lions (2-4) - If you would've told me in the preseason that the Lions would be 2-4 and No. 19 in the NFL in PPG after Week 7, I would've told you both Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson must be injured. Not the case, but the dynamic duo has yet to connect for a single TD almost halfway through the year.
22. New York Jets (3-4) - A valiant effort in Foxborough nearly put the Jets atop the division. A relatively easy remaining schedule could actually catapult this team into the playoffs—believe it or not.
23. Cincinnati Bengals (3-4) - It doesn't take much digging to find out where Cincy's struggles lie. Outside of Defensive Real Passing Yards per Attempt (No. 16), the Bengals are in the bottom half of the league in every defensive Quality Stat.
24. Buffalo Bills (3-4) - Buffalo squandered a nice second-half comeback and fell to the Titans 35-34 when Matt Hasselbeck sunk them in the final minutes. With trips to Houston and New England following a Week 8 bye, the Bills once-promising season isn't looking so hot.
25. San Diego Chargers (3-4) - If anybody needed a week off, it was San Diego. They've dropped three of four and somehow allowed Peyton and the Broncos to put up 35 straight points after getting out to a 24-0 halftime lead in Week 6. Something tells me Norv Turner's backside is getting awfully hot as yet another season of wasted talent sinks in.
26. Cleveland Browns (1-6) - Are the Browns ever going to be competitive?
27. Carolina Panthers (1-5) - The Panthers ditched GM Marty Hurney after their loss to the Cowboys, and Cam Newton's postgame "suggestion box" idea only reveals the truth that Carolina's No. 1 pick is far from joining the NFL's group of elite QB's. A winner doesn't ask for solutions, he creates them.
28. Oakland Raiders (2-4) - Sunday's game against the Jaguars looked like two teams vying for the No. 1 pick in next year's draft. Come on, don't you guys know Andrew Luck and RGIII already went pro?
29. Indianapolis Colts (3-3) - Can you believe the Colts are tied for the AFC's fourth-best record through seven weeks of the season, despite Andrew Luck having a passer rating of 72.3? This conference really is that bad.
30. Tennessee Titans (3-4) - Chris Johnson has 286 rushing yards and two TDs in the Titans' last two games—both victories. In their first five games, Johnson had 210 yards and no scores. They lost four of them.
31. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-5) - Everything about the Jags' offense flat out stinks, except Maurice Jones-Drew. Now he's out indefinitely with a sprained foot, and Jacksonville was only scoring 14.6 PPG with a healthy MJD.
32. Kansas City Chiefs (1-5) - You know your season isn't going according to plan when you bench your starting QB in favor of Brady Quinn. The Chiefs have arguably the weakest remaining schedule of any team, but it looks like they won't be able to take advantage.