By Patrick Imig
Cold Hard Football Facts' innovator of broadcast offense ...


Thom Brennaman is better without Brian Billick. Troy Aikman is better without Joe Buck. We know this because we watched the New England Patriots defeat the Dallas Cowboys in Week 6 on Fox, (a.k.a. America's Game of the Week featuring Patriots against America's Team). The game was competitive with plenty of drama but the broadcast was missing a few things. 

Specifically, the broadcast lacked failed humor attempts (Buck), disinterest (the kind that screams, 'yeah I'm here but I'd rather be somewhere else') (Buck), unnecessary use of large words (Billick), repetitive commentary (Billick and Buck) and the false notion that a color analyst needs to talk for the entire period between plays (Billick). The game represented a refreshing change of pace that will only continue if the World Series becomes a 15 week tournament.  

So how about in the future, you keep Brennaman and Aikman together as "America's Number One Team". Then you can throw Buck and Billick in the booth together with Cleatus the Foxbot on the sidelines just to see if the viewing audience implodes.

Thanks for your consideration.


You might think Jason Campbell suffered the most insult when his season ended Sunday. If not Campbell, then definitely the Raiders,  who were held hostage by Kyle Boller's presence on the roster forcing them to trade a 1st round draft pick to the Bengals and a conditional pick in 2013. 

Sadly, it was Bruce Gradkowski who suffered the most insult. Evidently he's the not-forgotten quarterback in Oakland. On Monday's Pardon the Interruption, Tony Korheiser said he was surprised to see Kyle Boller in the game: “I thought (the Raiders) still had Gradkowski, but he had moved on!”

In case Kornheiser thought Gradkrowski moved on from football to join a monestary, we're happy to inform him Gradkowski is in Cincinnati playing for the Bengals. Yes, this is the same team which traded Palmer to Oakland -- but Gradkowski was NOT involved in the deal. 

Kornheiser isn't the only misinformed one, either. According to Gradkowski's official Twitter page, the NFL Live crew talked Monday about how Gradkowski stepped in for the Raiders after Campell's injury. Yes, this is a real NFL quarterback telling NFL Live that he didn't play for the Raiders on Sunday. 

No big deal. It's not like ESPN is the most powerful machine in sports. It would be foolish for us to assume Korheiser and NFL Live pundits watch football games and research the subject. No reason to be alarmed. Nothing to see here.  

Jokes be damned. Jason Campbell's injury brought out the lazy in the four letter sports network.  


Trent Dilfer: “This demonstrative behavior that Rex (Ryan) has shown since he's become the head coach looks really good when you're winning. But when it gets tough, when guys don't like taking the bullets anymore, now they have a platform to spew. And when you give NFL players a platform to spew, they're going to spew heavy and that's what's going on with the Jets.”

First reaction: if you're going to spew, spew into this.

Chris Berman: “I don’t need to walk down Fifth Avenue every day for my ego. I’d rather have a couple of acres in the woods.”

A couple of acres in the woods … while screaming “back, back, back, back” and calling every tree by a different nickname. Even the forest gets annoyed.


Bob Costas: “The Vikings have a lot to Ponder (pause for dramatic effect).”

Saw that one coming from a mile away. No need for the dramatic effect, Bob.

Last week, Deion Sanders boldly proclaimed Rex Grossman the elite of the NFC East quarterback crop: “Let me look at my camera and spit this game: Rex Grossman may be the best quarterback right now in the NFC East. Yeah, I said it, and I didn’t stutter. He may be. And the team with the most balance may be the Washington Redskins.” 

Sanders received many comments from his Twitter followers which prompted another comment: “I knew that Rex Grossman statement would crank y'all up. But watch over the next 3 weeks and holla at me.” 

Consider this a formal holla from Pigskin Detention. Grossman was terrible in Week 6. This isn't a surprise and was expected. 

Fortunately for Sanders, he was in Atlanta being honored by his former team so he didn't have to comment on Grossman. If recent history is any indication, however, we can expect Sanders to show severe disappointment in Grossman for letting him down. See: Romo, Tony

Speaking of Grossman, he was the subject of the Week 1 edition which documented the hype and praise put forth by some of the pundits on Grossman. One such individual was's Michael Fabiano: Fabiano was singing a much different tune after Grossman's Week 6 performance: "I hated watching the Redskins' offense, especially quarterback Rex Grossman. He looks like he has a tired arm, not being able to drive the ball down the field or fit the ball into tight windows. Everything looks like a touch pass, which is fine when throws require it, but not when it allows the safeties to make plays on the ball, like Kurt Coleman and Nate Allen were able to do for the Eagles.”

Rex Grossman and the pundits are a match made in Football Heaven.  




Headlines that live up to satirical expectations every week ...

Andy Reid questioned about McNabb benching ...

Tony Sparano: a Football Life registers zero on the Nielsen ratings ...

Brandon Lloyd wows new teammates by catching pass with hands ...

Jon Gruden describes new contract as "one of the greatest extensions I've ever seen." ...

Brett Favre surprised it took Aaron Rodgers so long to star in a commercial ...

Polamalu expected to play after being run over by fleet of iron tanks.

Thanks for reading Pigskin Detention. Email me:, or Tweet me @patrickimig.