Welcome back to another edition of the college football awards, which are a little late this week thanks to us being caught in the rubble of the BCS shake-up this weke, much like every one else.
Let's get started...
The "Big Game Bob comes up small" award goes to Bob Stoops
This one is really your fault, ESPN. Because you, more than anyone involved in the college football landscape, perpetuates the myth of Bob Stoops as a big-game coach. But if that was really the case, than what would explain the Sooners' failure to win a big game at home for the second time this year? Our guess would be that the Sooners just aren't that good this year, and while that would normally be enough to get him off the hook, not in this case...because we hate his guts. But at last we have the guts to admit that, which means we have more guts than his team exhibited against Notre Dame. But for every ying, there is a yang, which leads us to...
The "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" award goes to Notre Dame
It wouldn't seem like a team with the nationally-known pedigree that Notre Dame has would have to play the "respect" card, but they found themselves significantly lacking in that department coming into the game with Oklahoma. And while practically everyone on earth wasn't giving them much of a chance to succeed in that game, actions, it has been said, speak louder than words, and the ease with which the Irish pulled away in the fourth quarter, scoring the game's final seventeen points after OU tied the score at 13 is the stuff that Notre Dame legends are made of. Accepting the award was Brian Kelly, whose face was not only not red, but in fact a nice shade of green somewhere between "shamrock" and "leprechaun".
The "trapped in the desert" award goes to USC
It wasn't supposed to be this way for USC, as a lot of people had started getting on the Trojans' bandwagon after the way they had been dispatching teams with ease after their somewhat unexpected loss to Stanford. But with a showdown with Oregon looming, the Trojans apparently feel in the trap set by a game Arizona squad, and wasted a record-setting day by receiver Marquise Lee in the process. As we here at the college football awards wonder what to make of this mess, we ask you to please remain in your seats as we clean up yet another mess made in the bed of a potential BCS title contender.
The "wasted effort" award goes to Marquise Lee
In a related story, as we mentioned above, USC found a way to lose to Arizona despite Lee's Pac-12 record 345 receiving yards. And whole it may have been all for naught on the field, at least his record-breaking effort won't go unrewarded here. In a touching moment, Lane Kiffin presented the award to his star wide receiver, but, as always seems to be case, ol' Lane appears to be a little confused, as he demonstrated by telling the awards audience that he was "going for two". This isn't a game, Lane, you can't needlessly go for two-point conversions here. Maybe he's also one of those guys who "doesn't lose. Just runs out of time."
The "Georgia on my mind" award goes to Georgia
The Gators probably wish that one of the attendees at the "World's Largest Outdoor (Alcoholic Beverage Name Omitted) Party" had been named Sandy, As in Hurricane Sandy. Because if she had been, maybe the game could've been put off a few weeks, and perhaps the Gators' national title hopes wouldn't have preceded to go up in smoke Saturday. But since she bypassed Jacksonville, Florida, Georgia put an end to Florida's BCS title hopes (we think. Nothing is sacred with the BCS), instead. We had attempted to get UGA fans Charles Kelley and Dave Haywood from Lady Antebellum to present this award. Since they were off somewhere celebrating already (and to fill out "hot girl" quotient for the week), we instead got the "hotter" Lady A'er Hillary Scott, to do it.
The "bubble burst" award goes to Ohio University
This award even confuses us, admittedly. That's because we're not sure whether we should actually give this award to the Bobcats, who had their potential undefeated season and run at a BCS bid derailed by Miami of Ohio, or if we should give it to the RedHawks instead. This is what the BCS does to you, kids, it confuses everything for everyone. In the end, though, we ultimately decided to give it to the Bobcats when it was revealed that when you take away the freak occurrence of "MAC-on-MAC" crime, that this was also a rivalry game, which means the RedHawks already have their trophy.
The "style points" award goes to Oregon
Everyone reading this is familiar with "style points", we presume. Most people tend to think they're an unnecessary evil in the college football universe. One guy who obviously doesn't think this way is Chip Kelly, who has obviously started taking to the practice, making an unfortunate victim out of the much-victimized (by everyone everywhere) Colorado Buffaloes, to the tune of 70 points, with 56 of those coming BEFORE HALFTIME. As he came on stage to accept the award, Chip ran up 42 points on the college football awards staff. We're happy to report that we were then able to convince Chip that we weren't an actual team, so there was no need to run up the score on us to try and impress anyone.
The "worst program in America" award goes to Colorado
We don't usually make a practice of flowing everything together during this show, but it seems we have gone in that direction this week. In a related note, the University of Colorado didn't used to be the worst program in America (and in fact, they used to be very good), but it seems that the bottom has fallen out in Boulder these days, which is hard to do, since they're in the Rocky Mountains and such. Here to accept the award is Colorado's live mascot, "Ralphie the Buffalo", since we (like Lee Corso), have a thing for live animals this year. Sadly, Ralphie scored three touchdowns on his own team as he stampeded toward the stage.
The "defensive MVP" award goes to Manti Te'O
Because he will more than likely not win the Heisman (although we're pretty sure he will at least get an invite to the presentation), and because we don't want to cross him. We're all pretty much in agreement that Collin Klein is the heavy Heisman favorite, but what Te'O will accomplish by just getting an invite to the presentation will speak volumes for how much he means to the Irish on the defensive end of the ball. Few guys that have ever played exclusively on defense (not counting Heisman winner Charles Woodson here, as he was more known for his return exploits) have ever made more of an impact
The "best coach in America" award goes to Bill Snyder
There was a time in the not-so-distant past where we would have laughed openly and in your face if you ever suggested this notion to us. But never let it be said that we won't ever change our minds, because, mostly due to his work (and his quarterback's work) in turning this year's squad from a nice, little story, which is what K-State is normally looked upon as, into the current holder of the other spot in the title game opposite Alabama. We had hoped to have Coach Snyder up on stage to accept this award, but we received word it was past his bedtime, as this is the last award of the night, so it will be sent to his office in the Little Apple instead.
That's it for this week. Join us next week when we ring in November with the newest batch of college football awards.