Welcome in to the college football awards, where this week we crown a new Heisman leader and get into the Halloween spirit thanks to a bad fashion choice by Oklahoma State.
Let's get to it...
The "rock-a-bye baby" award goes to Northwestern
It was...shall we say odd, to see a big-time college football coach like Northwestern's Pat Fitzgerald to have to devote so much of his time in a press conference to the subject of napping. But nonetheless, there he was opining on the importance of his team's weekly nap before they played, and lost, to Nebraska.
We're guessing the nap wasn't as productive as he, or his the program's administration, was hoping, since they "fell asleep on the job" and lost a game late that they had a twelve-point lead in. Accepting this award was Fitzgerald himself, who sadly put everyone in the awards hall to sleep with the dry, nonsensical way in which he accepted this award. Let's wake everybody up and move onto the next award...
The "instant classic" award goes to TCU and Texas Tech
I know what a lot of you out there are thinking: why should we award this game with this award, when last week's Texas A&M/Louisiana Tech game, which had a similar score, was trashed in last week's show for the lack of defense? The answer is simple" There was at least a little bit of defense played in Fort Worth on Saturday. Triple overtime games, you see, often end with jacked-up scores such as this one did.
We're not college football experts here at the college football awards, but we're pretty sure that was the best game in the history of the TCU-Texas Tech series. But as Gary Patterson reminds us as he accepts the award, there are no moral victories in football.
The "Titanic" award goes to West Virginia
Winning a big game is supposed to be an important, and impressive, step in the land of the college football giants, but last year, Texas Tech followed up a win over Oklahoma by winning as many games as all of you reading this did for the rest of the year, and now it's happening again in Morgantown.
But in the case of West Virginia, who had a widely-known defensive deficiency, it appears that they have sunk faster than the fabled ship did. But you can rest assured that with a defense that, to put it mildly, can't stop you or I these days. But don't go cuing up the sappy Celine Dion power ballad just yet, cause Dana Holgorsen and his bunch may have won this award, but he's far from the king of the world.
The "University of Oregon award for fashion excess" goes to Oklahoma State
Because what seemed like a good idea at the time for the Cowboys, wearing all orange with Pistol Pete on the helmet, made them look like they had just come from the pumpkin patch instead. As always, America's favorite cheerleader, and ours, Amanda Pflugrad was here to present the award, but was the victim of bullying, much like everyone else, by Mike Gundy, who somehow assumed our decision to award their odd sense of fashion was instead an attempt to denigrate his players. *Mike Gundy Note: Come at me, college football awards. I'm a man, I'm 45!* The crisis was averted when our new security guards (hey, you need them when you start to lean on fake fights for your fake awards show every week), chased him out of the building.
The "champs to chumps" award goes to Auburn
Not since 1936 has a team at least two years removed from a national championship started as badly as 1-6 Auburn has this year. And while we would have given the previously-awarded "Titanic" award to them, it seems they lost control of their ship so quickly that things escalated to the point that their ship has ALREADY sunk for the year.
Due to the team all spending some time with "Davy Jones' Locker", no one from Auburn was available to accept the award. That, and the fact that Gene Chizik would've been available, but he's currently busy looking for bags of ice to pour on the chair h sits in, cause it's just THAT hot these days...
The "gator bait" award goes to South Carolina
Once upon a time in Gainesville, Florida, an ol' ball coach named Steve Spurrier nicknamed Ben Hill Griffin Stadium "The Swamp" because "only Gators survive in a swamp." Little dd the OBC know, of course, that all these years later, those words would never seem more prophetic, and with them comes the end of any and all goals that his Gamecocks might have had for the season.
Never one to swallow his pride or let his emotions get the best of him, Spurrier accepted this award, which was presented to him by world-famous Florida alum Erin Andrews, who found herself running for cover as Spurrier tossed his visor while accepting, sending her back to the safety of the Fox Sports studio.
The "Optimus Klein" award goes to Collin Klein
Ladies & gentlemen of the Football Nation audience & loyal readers of the college football awards (all five of you), I present to you your new Heisman Trophy front-runner, Collin Klein, or, as he is quickly becoming better known as, Optimus Klein. And with good reason, as he has "transformed" (see what I did there?) the Wildcats from a nice, cute little story to a serious national title contender the old-fashioned way: with good, old American hard work and true grit.
And while it seems as though he makes everything look easy (or like an Autobot on Autopilot), we here at the college football awards know that it's a long season, and there are many potential Decipticons waiting to derail him, and send K-State back into the normal realm.
The "Johnny Turnover" award goes to Johnny Manziel
It's not that we're bitter about our clever nickname for Manziel being shelved in favor of "Johnny Football" (we are),but rather it's because the cleverly-named (though not as cleverly named as we could've named him) Aggie QB ran into a "real" defense for the first time in LSU, and the results weren't exactly what anyone in College Station had in mind.
But despite the four turnover performance he had in Aggieland, we're sure he'll bounce back sooner or later, as he's simply too talented not to. But for now, it's our suggestion that everyone tap the brakes on this whole "Johnny Football" madness.
The "going bowling" award goes to Duke
Because, for the first time since 1994, the Blue Devils, long known for being the quintessential "basketball" school, are finally bowl eligible. And while we know it's a bit presumptuous for us to make the leap from "bowl eligible" to "going bowling", we also know the ACC is not exactly the best conference in America, so it's a pretty safe bet that even at 6-6, the Blue Devils should be a lock to go to a bowl at this point.
Sadly, since no one at Duke expected to ever be invited to a college football awards show, let alone be onstage accepting one, no one from Durham was here to accept the award. But that's okay. They're probably partying. After all, if anyone deserves to, it's them.
The "Fight On" award goes to USC
We here at the college football awards don't think any team in the history of college football has ever been dropped into the land of obscurity as quickly as USC was after they lost to Stanford. But if you've been paying attention to the Trojans lately, you'll see that they are currently playing some of their best ball of the year, and got record-breaking performances from both Matt Barkley and Robert Woods, who became the leader in career passing touchdowns at and the career receptions leader at USC, respectively, all through the trials and tribulations of the Pete Carroll-era sanctions.
Watch out for USC later in the year. Since they still have games with unbeaten Oregon and a potentially undefeated or one-loss Notre Dame left, they will be a factor at the end of it all.
That's it for the college football awards for another week. Stay tuned next week for the next episode.