As I perused Gil Brandt’s Hot 100 -- actually 125 -- list on NFL.com of the top prospects for this weekend’s NFL Draft
, I was concerned with more than just how these guys will fit in with the team’s that select them. I am preoccupied with some of the better names that we’ll be hearing about.
And here’s what comes to mind (note: the numbers represent Brandt's ranking):
26. COBY FLEENER, TE, Stanford:
I don’t care that this guy could be a first-round pick, and that he could go to Denver and become Peyton Manning’s next big target. All I can think about any time I hear his name is Felix Unger’s high school girlfriend from “The Odd Couple.” In case you forgot, she was just as much a neat freak as Felix. Thus the catchphrase: “No one’s cleaner than Mildred Fleener.” Wonder if Coby is related?
28. WHITNEY MERCILUS, DE, Illinois:
A perfectly sinister name for a defensive lineman. Let’s hope he gets drafted by the Packers, Vikings or Bears… so he can play two games a year against Lions OL Gosder Cherilus. That’ll be fun for play-by-play guys!
40. BROCK OSWEILER, QB, Arizona State:
More of an afterthought when the draft “season” began, Osweiler has been rising up the charts for weeks. Now, Brock is a good solid name… but Osweiler? Sorry, you need a better name that that to be a starting NFL quarterback. Manning... Brady... Rivers... Rodgers. Solid. Roethlisberger is at least a good blue-collar name befitting Big Ben. Heck, even John Skelton and Tim Tebow at least sound
like they're big-time passers. Osweiler? Sorry, kid.
67. KELECHI OSEMELE, OL, Iowa State:
Go ahead, tell me that whichever team drafts him won’t have a dozen fun-loving players who will immediately nickname the rookie “Oh, Smelly.”
74. CHASE MINNIFIELD, CB, Virginia:
For starters, Chase is a great name for a guy who makes his living, well, chasing
wide receivers. Secondly, I am rooting hard for him to be drafted by Cleveland, where his father, Frank Minnifield was an outstanding CB for the Browns in the ‘80s.
88. T.Y. HILTON, WR/KR, Florida International:
You can find everything on the internet, right? Well one thing I could not find is what exactly "T.Y." stands for. Now, Hilton’s father’s name is Tyrone, so that likely has something to do with it (maybe "Tyrone's Youngster?"). In fact, T.Y.’s given name is Eugene. That explains wjy he goes by T.Y., whatever it stands for.
109. CYRUS GRAY, RB, Texas A&M:
Hard inside runner with strong legs and enough quickness to bounce it outside. Good team leader who can also play special teams… oh, enough of the scouting report. When I hear the name Cyrus, there’s only one thing I can think of: This
123. TIM FUGGER, DE/LB, Vanderbilt:
The scouting report says he is an undersized pass rusher. Which, of course, makes him a “little Fugger.” Thank you, good night…